


Still Home

by nymja



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Allusions to torture/interrogation, Gen, Tumblr fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 21:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5642773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nymja/pseuds/nymja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She doesn’t flinch. Or cry out. Or demand answers from him. Instead she says four words he never expected to hear.</p><p>“I love you, Ben.” </p><p>--</p><p>The reunion of Leia Organa and Kylo Ren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still Home

**\--**

**i.**

\--

He’s asked her three times.

The first, was still on Endor. She’d had one too many cups of whatever it was the Ewoks brewed and she remembers her face feeling hot. Han was off stumbling around by the fire, telling anyone who’d listen about the Kessel Run. She and Luke were sitting on the edge of a bridge, their feet dangling over the ledge and their arms resting on the rope handrails.

“I would train you, you know,” he tells her after he playfully nudges her in the side with his elbow. His face is still set in that dopey, farmboy smile she’s come to love.

Leia isn’t in the business of feigning ignorance. She looks up and tries to make connections between the planets that glimmer stars, the lights of the engines of ships flying in low atmospheres. There’s dozens of them, all in need of direction. And whatever it is that’s been refound within her, it’s not new. It’s not frightening. It’s a phantom limb mending—a little aching, but harmless.

She kicks out her feet and leans back on her hands to get a better image of the sky above her.

“Ask me when there’s not an Empire to dismantle.”

\--

The second time is when he arrives to her apartment on Coruscant. She knows and doesn’t know he’s coming, her mind wrapped up in delegation work as they attempt to do something unprecedented: have a rotating capital planet for the New Republic. She’s up to her elbows in depositions and briefings when she hears the polite knock.

It makes her smile, and a hand goes over her stomach. “Come on in.”

Luke enters, and she almost groans at whatever _that_ is on his chin, but she’s out of her chair and he’s crossed the room, one of his arms sweeping her into a hug that lifts her feet of the ground in a spin.

Her brother is holding something behind his back. She tilts her head.

“What is it?”

He extends his arm, in his palm is a small, stuffed tauntaun.

Something tugs at her chest. She has an idea about who that’s for. And Luke’s roughly eight months too early.

Luke kisses her forehead. “Congratulations.”

“You can’t tell Han you know.”

“Does _Han_ know?”

Leia smirks. “No.”

\--

They catch up. She learns that Luke’s been dividing his time between pilot training and searching for Jedi archives, and that the latter is drawing more and more of his attention. She tells Luke about the Senate, how kriffed everything is with the plans for the rotating capital, and how some rumored Empire outposts might still be active and armed.

Eventually, conversation turns to the gestation in the room.

“He’s going to be strong in the Force.” Luke’s smiling, a distant and thoughtful expression that reminds her of the former General Kenobi.

Leia rests a hand on her stomach. “Good thing he’ll have a teacher.”

Luke’s eyes widen, as if the thought has never occurred to him. He leans back in his chair. Leia doesn’t try to hide her grin.

“You could still train, too. Be his teacher.” He finally mutters, eyes darting to her cautiously.

She shakes her head, grabbing his hand across the table. “Galaxy to run, remember?”

Leia looks at the tauntaun on the table. “Besides, I got a feeling you’ll be better at this.”

\--

The final time is when Ben is five. He’s quiet, withdrawn. And while her son has never been talkative, Leia can’t shake the feeling that something Isn’t Right.

 _There’s something wrong._ She thinks across the galaxy, a hesitant thought cast out like a net.

 _I’ve sensed it, too._ Luke is troubled. It makes her heart jump up into her throat, as she runs a hand through sleeping Ben’s curls.

_What is it?_

_…I don’t know. But it could be the influence of the Dark Side._

Leia closes her eyes. She sees the tall, armored figure of Darth Vader. She opens them, and Ben’s asleep in his bed. His arms loosely slung around the tauntaun.

_What should I do?_

Silence. Then: _I could train you as a Jedi. It might help._

Leia trails her fingers down Ben’s cheek. Mulls it over.

“Leia?”

She turns, to see Han leaning in the doorframe of Ben’s room. His hand pressed against the frame above his head. He’s yawning, blinking back sleep, and his hair is mussed.

“What’re you doing up so late?”

Leia looks at her husband, then her son. On Ben’s nightstand, there’s her datapad blinking with several missed messages about a task force she’s trying to establish to investigate Empire strongholds in the Unknown Regions. The task force is dependent on her to secure them funding. She’s the only one willing to spearhead the investigation if the recon gives anything of value.

 _You have your way of protecting the galaxy, Luke. And I have mine._ Leia kisses Ben goodnight on his forehead. _But maybe we should think about having Ben train._

_If that’s what you want._

_I think it’s what’s best for Ben._

_Alright._

Leia turns to Han and grabs her datapad. “Nothing. Let’s go to bed.”

Ben wraps his arms tighter around his tauntaun.

\--

**ii.**

\--

The capture of General Leia Organa goes far easier than they might have anticipated. Kylo Ren watches from a higher platform in the station as her transport arrives. Several armed Stormtroopers file in front of the shuttle, and General Hux stands there—clearly pleased with himself.

The door to the transport lowers with a long hiss. He is far enough away that he can’t hear or make out the expressions on anyone’s faces—they are all like ants, from this vantage point. Still, he can see that the General doesn’t hesitate or cower when she walks off the transport, her hands cuffed in front of her. Her chin is tilted up, and she strides past General Hux without a word or look of acknowledgement. The Stormtroopers meant to escort her have to jog to keep up.

Halfway through her trek across the landing pad, she looks up. Right at his window.

Kylo Ren doesn’t say anything, even though he feels her hanging on the edges of his senses. His hands tighten into fists before he turns away.

\--

**iii.**

\--

One of her favorite memories of Ben is the day they play hooky. Senate was in session, Han was off-planet coordinating shipping lines with some merchants in the Republic, and Leia was in the middle of listening to a long-winded speech about tariffs from the Ord Mantell representative when she hears the smallest of yawns.

She looked down, to where Ben was seated in one of the chairs reserved for her retinue. His arms were crossed over his chest, his lower lip jutting out just slightly. The curls she had carefully brushed through this morning were once again in disarray.

She tries, and fails, to suppress her amused smile. He looks too much like Han at the moment.

“Bored?” Leia asks glibly.

Her six-year-old _sighs._ “I guess.”

She looks at the Senator who has the floor. There’s a stack of seven or eight datapads next to him—never a good sign. Leia Organa glances to her assistant.

“Take notes for me?”

The assistant sends her a pained look. Leia glances discretely at Ben. The assistant gives a tiny smile (everyone on her team loves Ben. They’re also all used to the kid looking tortured during delegations) and makes a shooing motion.

Leia nods her thanks, and turns in her seat. She lowers her head, like a conspirator sharing sensitive intel.

“Hey, want to get out of here?”

Ben’s face breaks into a smile that transforms his features. “More than _anything. **Ever.**_ ”

She takes his smaller hand in his, and they duck out somewhere between the Ord Mantellian’s third or seventeenth slide show.

\--

They go to one of Han’s favorite dives in CoCo Town, where they sit at a diner, have cocoa, and Leia listens to Ben tell her about what he’s learning in school and gently convinces him that he doesn’t need a gizka for a pet.

After that, they go to the Monument Plaza, and the Museum of Multispecies Science. Ben appreciates the latter more than the former, and explains to her how the aquatic species need different sorts of oceans. By the end of the evening, Ben’s tired enough to let her hold his hand as they go down the walkways back to their apartment.

Leia Organa doesn’t have many perfect days, but this is one of them.  
  
\---

**iv.**

\--

“The prisoner has been escorted to a holding cell.” Kylo doesn’t look at Hux. But he can feel the smugness emanating from him. Can envision the hands clasped behind his back and the singular raised brow. “Preparations for interrogation will be completed within the hour, Supreme Leader.”

Supreme Leader Snoke looks down at them. Kylo Ren is not surprised when his expectant stare lands on his shoulders.

“You are conflicted, Kylo Ren.”

“Of course not, Supreme Leader.”

Snoke rests his chin on the back of a hand. “ _Conflict,_ my pupil, is something to be embraced. Though you would do well not to let it master you.”

“As you say.”

“Hux,” Snoke states, “Leave us. Await Kylo Ren’s orders on the interrogation of General Organa.”

Hux shoots Kylo Ren a look of pure disdain, but gives a semi-formal bow before he exits with a sharp click of his boots.

“Now, Kylo Ren. Speak your mind.”

Kylo’s fingers curl into his palms once more, and before he understands it, his feet are pacing across the room. “She allowed herself to be captured.” He concludes after a few moments. “General Organa is too well protected to be detained by a random scouting patrol.”

“Good. Continue.”

“Hux’s interrogation will fail. The Force manifests in her will.”

“Yes.”

“Ending her would end the Resistance. She is the pin that holds it all together.” Kylo Ren’s heart thrums in his chest. “She would know how to find Luke. Find the scavenger.”

“You will lead the interrogation, Kylo Ren. Master your conflict.”

He stills, turns his head to look over his shoulder. “And…after the interrogation?”

Snoke folds his hands in front of his mouth. “We will first see what the daughter of Vader yields.”  


\--

**v.**

\--

Ben first asks her about _him_ when he is seven years old.

“Bail Organa was a good man,” Leia says, setting down the glass of wine she’s sipping. There’s a spread of files in front of her on the floor—recon intel from the task force. She’ll get to it soon enough. “He was kind. Funny. Loyal.”

Ben sits next to her on the ground, coming down from the sofa. “Not that grandpa. _My_ grandpa.”

“Bail Organa _is_ your grandfather,” Leia says shortly.

Her son’s dark eyes train on her. “That’s not what the kids at school say.”

Leia frowns, her fingers wrapping around the stem of her wine glass once more. When she hears _father,_ she sees a kind man with dark hair and eyes. Who’d have her sit on his knee as he lay out bills and encrypted codes. She remembers him struggling to brush out her hair and style it, and how he’d sneak her treats during committee meetings. Bail Organa.

Not…

She takes a slow inhale. Her free hand scrolls quickly through reports. “Darth Vader is your…” another sip. “ _Biological_ grandfather.”

Ben crosses his legs. “Do you have anything of his?”

“No.”

Her son seems more contemplative. “He was a bad guy, wasn’t he?”

“Yes.” Leia sighs, and turns her full attention to Ben. She wraps an arm around his shoulders. “Vader was a bad guy.”

“Do you miss him?”

She has to think about the question. She misses Bail. And the memories of Breha. And Alderaan.

“…I missed the idea of him, for a while.”

Ben glances up at her. “I’d miss you.”

She snorts, “You’d better.”

“Can you tell me stories about Vader?”

Leia takes a few moments to decide, before she shakes her head. “No. If you want to talk about Vader, your Uncle Luke is a better person to ask.”

“Because he’s Uncle Luke’s dad, too?”

“That’s right.”

Ben mulls this over, before giving an accepting nod.

“…I’ll ask Uncle Luke.”

\--

**vi.**

\--

Kylo Ren opens the cell.

General Organa isn’t in her restraints. Instead, she appears to be…lounging. She stares up at him, face cradled in her hand as she keeps her gaze on his face. He feels her, in the Force. A large, brilliant burst of light that is entirely too strong for someone who has never formally studied the way of the Jedi. He hears its call, as he always does.

Finally, she musters a sad grin. “Is the Regime running behind schedule?”

He says nothing.

Her stare trails to his shoulders. “You’re tall for a Dark Lord. But posture’s terrible.”

He doesn’t straighten. But only because he combats the urge.

“General Organa.” He manages in a terse, clipped tone.

The corners of her eyes crease. “Ben.”

_BEN!_

He breathes in. Holds it. “I trust that you are comfortable.”

“I’m always comfortable.”

He presses his fingertips against his palm, can feel his knuckles crack. “I need information on the Resistance base.”

General Organa shifts, her arms slowly crossing over her chest. Hands resting on their opposite biceps. “You know I’m not going to tell you that.”

“Then I will use force.”

Her finger taps twice against her forehead. “Go ahead.”

She stares at him. He stares back. His fingers press harder. The Light coming from her is enough to twist his stomach—Han Solo’s influence was an ember compared to it. He goes to lift his hand-

“That’s what I thought,” she whispers.

-he lowers it. Underneath his mask, his jaw works. Without another word, he turns and storms away from the cell.

\--

“An initial interrogation of General Organa has concluded.” Hux isn’t making an effort to hide his disdain as he stares at him.

“And your results?” Kylo mutters.

The pale man’s face becomes paler as he presses his lips together. “Inconclusive.”

“Meaning?”

“Three hours in the General made a request.”

“What request?”

“It doesn’t bear mentioning.” Hux plucks at a stray thread on his cuff, muttering to himself: “Resistance swill.”

Kylo doesn’t even think about it. It just happens: the tightening of a collar. The surge of anger. He manages to release it before Hux has any concrete proof that he has just tried to asphyxiate him, but the General’s nostrils flare and his eyes promise retaliation.

Kylo Ren pivots, making his way toward the prison cells. The halls are suspiciously empty of Stormtroopers.

\--

The door slides open. The General is still lounging, though her hair and shirt are wet with sweat. There are small cuts on her lip and cheeks. Anger crests.

“Tell them what they want!”

The General’s eyes slide to him. Her voice is raspy. “Or what?”

Kylo takes a step forward. He towers over the old woman by over a foot. She merely smooths back her hair into a braid.

“You know…” She coughs. “Vader tortured me.”

Kylo Ren looks down at her.

She doesn’t flinch. “I didn’t tell him anything he wanted to know, either.”

“Then they will kill you.”

Her intelligent, brown eyes focus on him. “You mean you’re not going to do the honors?”

“Han Solo was weak.”

“Sometimes.” General Organa lifts a hand up to rest against his mask. “But we all are, Ben.”

“Ben Solo is dead.” He shakes her hand off, and leaves the cell.

\--

**vii.**

\--

Ben is eight when she starts to lose him.

“It hurts!” He cries, his hands gripping his head behind his ears as he kneels. Tears run down his face as he presses his forehead against the floor. “It _hurts_!”

“Ben, what hurts?” Han tries to grab his hands. “Talk to me, kid. What’s going on?”

Leia doesn’t have to ask. She feels it rise and fall, like turbulent waves which have chosen her son as a nexus. She rests a light hand on Han’s shoulder. “I’ll handle this.”

Han looks at her, worry and annoyance crossing his expression. “Handle _what_?”

“Just. Let me handle it.”

Han frowns, but backs off. “You’re the boss,” he mutters.

Leia rests her hands on top of her son’s. “Ben?”

“Mom- I-I can’t-!”

“I know, Ben. Just listen to me, alright?”

“I _can’t_ –“

“You can. Deep breaths.” She’s not great at this. Never has been. Not like Luke. But she thinks she can manage for the sake of her son. Leia closes her eyes, and tries to cast out. Tries to help guide Ben out of the darkness he’s found himself situated in. The Dark Side hangs around him like a thunderous curtain, one she works for hours on trying to dispel. At some point, Ben’s crying grows softer and she hears Han’s footsteps as he leaves the room in frustration. She exhales.

“Is it getting quieter?”

“Y…yeah.”

“Okay. Good.” She pulls him into a hug, and Ben grips her fiercely. She runs her fingers through his dark curls. “It’s going to be alright, Ben.” Except it’s getting worse. It’s getting harder. She feels herself draining after every attempt to pull Ben closer to the Light—growing weaker and weaker every time. She holds him tighter. “I love you.”

Ben sniffles. His fist bunches in her shirt.

 _Luke,_ she whispers out into the void between them, _I’m going to need your help._

\--

**viii.**

**\--**

“She’s resisting all interrogation techniques.” Hux slowly pulls down one of his leather gloves over the palm of his hand. “The General will be of no use to us.”

His shoulders tense. He knows they do. He’s pathetic, even in this.

Snoke must sense it, too. “Then issue an execution order.”

Hux smiles as he dips his head. “At once, Supreme Leader.”

“Wait.” Kylo Ren whispers.

Snoke leans forward. “Yes?”

“She may still be of use.” He straightens his back. “Give me another chance, Supreme Leader. I will not fail you.”

“And if you do?”

“Issue the order.”

Silence as Snoke forms his final judgement. He rubs his finger against his chin.

“Very well.”

\--

She’s restrained, this time. Her wrists and ankles bound up. She doesn’t look particularly concerned.

“General.” He greets again, walking into the room.

“Son.”

He doesn’t flinch. Instead, he comes to a slow stop in front of her. “You’ve resisted for too long.”

“Kind of my thing.”

In a slow movement, he slips a hand under his chin. A second later, and he’s setting the mask down on the ground. He sees her eyes go soft, but they do not fill with tears.

“All grown up,” she whispers.

“You allowed yourself to be captured.”

“Yes.”

“Why.”

“To see my son.”

His lip twitches. A tell that the shrewd politician can immediately interpret. For a moment, he considers reaching for the mask again. But he knows to do so now would be to admit weakness. “Disappointed?”

“No. Not disappointed.” Her shoulders sag. “Sad, maybe. I’ve been grieving for you a long time, Ben. We both-“ a steadying breath, “-we both were.”

“And what will you do now? Now that there’s no Han Solo to commiserate with.”

She doesn’t flinch. Or cry out. Or demand answers from him. Instead she says four words he never expected to hear.

“I love you, Ben.”

\--

**viii.**

\--

He’s eleven when she holds him for the last time.

It’s clear in her mind—his begging her not to go. Han’s arm around her shoulders. The feel of his small fingers, slipping slowly out of her hand as Luke guides him away.

She holds his old tauntaun, and presses it close to her chest.

**\--**

**vix.**

**\--**

He doesn’t ignite his lightsaber, though the lighting fixtures in the room tremble and shake. He doesn’t know what he’s going to say, or how he’s going to say it, but the choice to respond is taken from him when he feels a new presence on the edge of his senses. He forces an even breath into his lungs as the proximity alerts go off throughout the station.

“Your rescue party?”

“It’s likely.”

“I could kill you now. Before they find you.”

“You could,” she agrees softly.

“It would end the Resistance.”

“Probably.”

“Then _why-”_ and this time he does ignite his lightsaber. He draws it up underneath the General’s chin. She doesn’t change her expression, even though he knows she knows this is the weapon which slew his father. “-allow your capture?”

“Because. I wanted you to know you still have a home to return to.”

His fingers stiffen around the hilt of his lightsaber. It hovers closer to her throat.

“I killed Han Solo.” His voice trembles.

She closes her eyes in pain. “I know.”

The proximity alarms grow more insistent. Kylo Ren feels the presence of her rescuers growing stronger—it’s the scavenger. And FN-2187.

“Leave with me, Ben.”

She calls to him. Like he is a child again—lost and scared in the larger world of the Force. As if she can hold him as he cries out his pain and frustration and magically heal it.

He swings his lightsaber away, carving a scar into the wall.

“Ben!”

He doesn’t hear her. Instead, he walks out of the cell and doesn’t look back.

\--

**x.**

**\--**

Leia rubs her wrist as she looks out the _Falcon’s_ window. _The Finalizer_ becoming smaller in the distance as the ship prepares for hyperspace.

 _Luke,_ she calls out, knowing he’s long since stopped answering. But maybe he still hears.

_There’s still light in him._

She doesn’t know yet if that’s a blessing or a curse. She doesn’t know if it would have been kinder to shoot him.  But love makes it impossible to be certain.

 _The Falcon_ jumps.

Leia presses her hand against the window, before she’s gone.


End file.
